Wait! What? Fallout 4 Breaks Records, a Robot that tells you how to sleep and…the new Justin Bieber album

It’s that time again, when we wrap up the week’s best tech stories and send you on your way towards the weekend. While you’ve been busy waiting in line for the new Justin Bieber album, we were keeping track of all the tech-tastic news stories we knew you’d want to hear about.

Play videogame with controller

  • Whether you’re still hunkered down somewhere playing Assassin’s Creed Syndicate from last month, or you’re climbing a mountain in Siberia with Lara Croft, you probably took some time out of your busy schedule to download Fallout 4 like the rest of the world. Fallout 4 broke some pretty insane records this week – one of which we can’t even talk about! Needless to say, millions of people won’t be going outside at all this weekend, because the apocalypse is too freakin’ fun.
  • The best part of waking up … is when you’ve slept enough (you know you want to sing it). A new app called Sleep Cycle Alarm Clock listens to all the super weird sounds you make at night, mixes it all up in a math milkshake, and plops out some information about how well you’re sleeping. It sets the alarm time for you based on the ideal time it thinks you should wake up. Hmm…I kind of thought the ideal time to wake up was THE TIME I SET ON MY ALARM CLOCK! What are you doing weird robot sleep app? Don’t mess with my schedule!
  • Be there or be Square, or don’t be there and also don’t be square. Seriously, we aren’t in charge of your decisions. Square, the cute little payment tool that you use every time you buy fusion banh mi from a hipster food truck, is in the midst of an uphill battle for an IPO. The company has suffered an increase in transaction losses as a result of concerns about fraud.
  • Ever wonder what’s behind someone’s smile? Is that person truly happy or just pretending? Well, Microsoft has a new facial recognition app that can supposedly identify emotion based on facial expressions. So…like what a human does. Thanks Microsoft?
  • No more wacky autopilot antics for Tesla drivers! Elon Musk stated that Tesla would be implementing additional restrictions to its autopilot tool, in an effort to prevent drivers form attempting dangerous maneuvers. We can only assume that these new limitations will be a sign inside every Tesla that says “Don’t be an idiot.”

Ok, we’ve done all we can but the rest is up to you. Now go find a casual get together with some strangers where you can bring up all these stories, and be known as the most interesting person in the room!