Wait! What? 11/14: Out-of-this-world news that’s not about Kim Kardashian

Space: Tech's Final Frontier, We Guess. (Thinkstock)
Space: Tech’s Final Frontier, We Guess. (Thinkstock)

Were you one of the sheeple too busy taking marching orders from a magazine cover this week to actually pay attention to the news? Please, allow us to divert your attention from another redundant article about Kim K’s best assets (we promise, it’ll be there when you get back) to check out some cool things that actually went down in real life this week:

  • WE LANDED ON A COMET. (Well, not us, but the Euros did.) Who cares that comets are basically just dirty snowballs – this could finally prove our Interstellar-inspired interpretation of relativity is better than everyone else’s!
  • Alibaba’s Jack Ma is officially the richest of them all over in China. His reaction to receiving this title? Le sigh. Honestly, he says, being richer than God is just “a great pain.” We sympathize so, so deeply with his plight.
  • Instagram now allows users to edit their photo captions after posting. Self-important grammarians everywhere rejoiced at the news as they plotted their no-holds-barred attack on people guilty of mistakenly posting captions with a their/there/they’re confusion.
  • Big shocker: those Facebook ads promising unbelievable prices on random plastic surgery procedures you never knew you wanted are too good to be true! Basically, clicking on about a quarter of Facebook ads is the digital equivalent of going to a second location with some dude in Chinatown who promised you a $20 Louis Vuitton.
  • And finally, we’d like to thank the New England Patriots for confirming that our careers will be safe as long as people are people and robots are things that can’t understand why tweeting out racial slurs to a million followers is probably not a great marketing tactic.

Did you catch us slacking on some unbelievably juicy story? Be a pal and let us know on Twitter or in the comments below.